A
note to readers: The following slasher/horror movie reviews are written
for slasher/horror movie fans, meaning I have painstakingly (you have no
idea) tried to watch, analyze, and rate the following movies (on my own
scale of Lame-Ass to One Mean MoFo) in the context of the slasher/horror
movie genre (giving allowance, of course, to my own preferences).
Please be kind and read them accordingly. Thank you.
My
Rating System, ***** being the best, and * being the absolute worst; for
example:
*****
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
****
Dressed To Kill
***
The House on Sorority Row
**
The Mutilator
*
Slumber Party Massacre II
-Girls
Nite Out (1982) - Robert Deubel **
If
you can get past the first half hour, with drunk college guys joking around,
mugging for the camera, and doing one 
irritating
imitation after another (who’s idea was that?), then you’ll probably find
the rest of this mystery slasher mildly diverting, at the least.
A killer in a mascot bear costume with big, shiny round eyes and knives
for paws is knocking off guys and gals on a late-night scavenger hunt.
When the story isn’t following one lame relationship problem after another,
we get to watch Hal Holbrook, as a campus security guard, sitting at a
desk looking bored and out of place as he tries to figure out who the killer
is. Not all of the acting’s bad, and there are some fairly scary
moments, but there are too many mindless coed shenanigans, and the movie
almost grinds to a screeching halt in the final half hour with an unnecessarily
redundant police investigation. The use of oldies rock and roll songs
and some of the hair and clothing styles make this movie look like it was
supposed to take place in the ‘50s (even though the annoying school DJ
-- who for some damn reason gets his ugly mug shown about EVERY FIVE MINUTES
in his studio -- tells us it’s part of some kinda ‘50s flashback weekend).
HIGHLIGHT:
The final shot is pretty chilling, and it’s a great leaves-you-hanging
place for the movie to end. Still, it’s probably not worth the rental
(assuming you can actually find this anywhere).
-Graduation
Day (1981) - Herbert Freed **
Yet
another school-related slasher -- this time a high school track team is
the target of a psycho decked out in fencing garb who seems to be upset
over the fact that a girl collapsed and died on the track a year ago.
Of course, everyone’s a suspect, including the girl’s odd, but tough, older
sister, Anne (Patch Mackenzie), who’s home from the army to accept a post-humous
award for her, and the hard-ass track coach (Christopher George, who was
in Mortuary and Pieces the same year!) who most everyone blames for the
girl’s death. There are some fairly creative murders (including a
lethal football with a sword shoved through it), but it’s difficult to
tell who the main character is, because Mackenzie disappears from the movie
for about twenty-five minutes! Meanwhile, we’re treated to typical
incompetent principals (Michael Pataki), typical lecherous music teachers,
and typical jerk security guards. There are a number of minor sub-plots
that never get resolved and only work to slow the movie down. Still,
it was nice to see an entire stage performance from the rock band Felony
(I’ve never heard of them either.) The direction shows some attempts
at style here and there -- it doesn’t always work, but it never hurts to
try, I guess.
HIGHLIGHT:
This is worth renting if only for the fact that it’s probably the only
time you’ll ever see game show co-hostess Vanna White and B-movie scream
queen Linnea Quigley (Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Demons) sharing
screen time (albeit, all too briefly) ... and their names even rhyme --
Doris and Dolores! God help me, but I get a satisfying little kick
out of things like that.
-Halloween
(1978) - John Carpenter *****
Maybe
not technically the first, but nonetheless, the granddaddy of all slasher
films. This is short on plot (a kid who murdered his sister on Halloween
night breaks out of the asylum seven years later and returns to his hometown
to kill some more -- that’s it), but long on style. Carpenter knows
just how to create an atmosphere of fear and tension by mere suggestion,
mainly through excellent use of shadows and lighting, widescreen framing,
and that infamously creepy keyboard music (created by Carpenter, himself).
This isn’t so much your typical movie with an intricate plot and well-developed
characters as it is a full-sensory experience that should be studied as
a text book on how to make horror films. Indestructible “boogeyman”
Michael Myers still reigns supreme over all imitators, and Jamie Lee Curtis
is the definitive ‘70s/early-’80s scream queen. Donald Pleasance
plays the not-entirely-sane-himself doctor in pursuit of Michael, and Nancy
Loomis (The Fog) and P. J. Soles (Rock ‘n’ Roll High School) -- whatever
happened to them? -- also star in this monumental indie classic.
The first sequel’s not bad, but avoid the rest.
HIGHLIGHT:
“It was the boogeyman, wasn’t it?” “As a matter of fact, it was.”
Cue the missing body, riddled only seconds ago with bullets and left for
dead on the front lawn, and the creepy music, and you have the perfect
shocker ending.
-Halloween
II (1981) - Rick Rosenthal ***
This
sequel to Carpenter’s horror classic is not bad (it certainly overshadows
a lot of the other imitators that popped up between 1978 and 1983), but
it fails to achieve the suspense and subtle terror of the original.
Jamie Lee Curtis, traumatized and appearing dazed throughout most of the
movie, gets chased around a hospital by durable, long-lasting serial killer
Michael Myers (he should have been the spokesman for Energizer batteries
instead of that damn bunny.) The body count (mostly cute nurses)
is higher, the murders more graphic, but, other than a few frightening
chase scenes through deserted hospital corridors, this one falls short
of its former glory. Still, it’s better than the next five (or six?)
down the line. Donald Pleasance returns as obsessed psychiatrist
Dr. Loomis, and Lance Guest (from that great ‘80s sci-fi cheese-classic
The Last Starfighter) also stars.
HIGHLIGHT:
Those damn elevator doors open and close so slowly! Especially when
there’s a relentless, homicidal automaton closing in on you.
-Happy
Birthday To Me (1981) - J. Lee Thompson ***
You
might think you have this one solved before it’s over, but, with all of
the ludicrous twists and turns in the final half hour, you’ll most likely
still be way off. In fact, some of the plotting and character motivations
are so absurd (and borderline stupid), that it’s best just to watch the
movie without trying to think too hard about who the killer might be.
And, in spite all of its faults, this one’s not bad -- a group of upper-class
friends at a private college are being picked off by a maniac with a flair
for creativity (one guy is mangled in the spokes of his spinning motor
bike wheel, another guy has dumb bells dropped on his head, and a third
has a shish kebab rammed down his throat.) Melissa Sue Anderson (the
older daughter from Little House on the Prairie, and, no, she does not
get naked) plays the newest member of the group, who underwent experimental
brain surgery years ago after a serious car accident. This movie
does a good job of filling in bits and pieces of the plot, via flashbacks
and therapy sessions, as it progresses and the body count grows.
The acting’s mostly good, and there are some suspenseful scenes, but there
are also an awful lot of red herrings (most of which are painfully forced).
Still, worth renting, even though most of the murders aren’t even remotely
as “bizarre” as the front of the video box claims. This also stars
serious actor Glenn Ford as Melissa’s psychiatrist.
HIGHLIGHT:
The grim, final birthday party, with all of the dead guests slumped around
the dinner table while the killer calmly walks out of the kitchen with
a cake, singing the title song.
-Hard
To Die (1990) - Jim Wynorski *1/2
In
a cross between Die Hard and the Slumber Party Massacre (and Sorority House
Massacre) movies, a deadly spirit is released into a high-rise office building
while a group of pretty female co-workers who work for the ACME Lingerie
Company are staying late doing inventory on one of the upper floors (as
well as showering and trying on the merchandise). As in Sorority
House Massacre II (which was filmed and released roughly the same time
as this one and which, with the exception of the building setting, basically
follows the same plot), one of the girls becomes possessed by the demon
and starts butchering her scantily-clad friends before they even get the
chance to have a pillow fight. Luckily, the remaining gals find a
crate full of automatic weapons and, next thing you know, bullets are flying,
blood is splattering, and breasts are bouncing. I won’t lie to you,
T&A can often carry an otherwise lousy movie a long way, but that’s
hardly the case with this one (still, I went ahead and gave this turkey
an extra half-star solely for its wall-to-wall display of frilly teddies
and lace panties.) Orville Ketchum (as “Himself”) appears as the
same character he plays in SHMII, and he even narrates a near-identical
flashback sequence lifted from the original Slumber Party Massacre.
As a testament to the bad writing and Wynorski’s equally bad direction,
the tiresome and ridiculously indestructible Ketchum pops up around corners
every three or four minutes and just stands there looking stupid -- a very
bad idea. Seriously, he’s one of the most annoying characters in
B-movie history, and if he’s meant to provide comic relief, it doesn’t
work. Joe Bob Briggs “LOVED” this movie, and it admittedly does have
its charm, but not enough of it to cover up the wretched acting, writing,
and directing. Low-budget and horror movie cameo king Forrest J.
Ackerman has a lengthy role as Dr. Ed Newton, who sits in his office the
whole time. The back of the video box shows pictures of scenes from
an entirely different movie (what the hell are the distributors of these
half-assed movies smoking??) Wynorski has the honor of being responsible
for some of the worst drek the slasher genre has to offer.
Lowlight:
The death scenes are laughably staged -- one girl gets pulled off-camera
from behind by somebody with a hook, and then an obvious bucket-full of
fake blood is splattered against a concrete wall. Stupid, stupid
stuff.
-He
Knows You’re Alone (1980) - Armand Mastroianni ***
This
occasionally creepy flick is sort of a combination of Halloween and When
A Stranger Calls. It’s not half as 
good
as Halloween, but I liked it better than Stranger. It’s about a psycho
killer who stalks and kills brides-to-be after being dumped years ago by
his girlfriend for another man. Caitlin O’Heaney plays the unlucky
fiancee who’s left alone in her big, old house when her beau takes off
with the guys for a weekend stag party. Don Scardino (the likable
nerd from the earthworms-run-amok classic, Squirm) plays O’Heaney’s likably
nerdy ex-boyfriend, and two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks (from Bachelor
Party, Turner & Hootch, and Joe vs. the Volcano) plays a wise-ass psychology
student in a couple of amusing cameos. Tom Rolfing plays the nameless
and silent killer, character actor James Rebhorn plays an adulterous professor,
and Lewis Arlt and Paul Gleason (the principal from The Breakfast Club)
play detectives. There are several scary and suspenseful scenes throughout
the movie to keep things interesting, including an extended, climactic
chase that ends in a morgue and a frightening opening sequence in a movie
theater that was closely duplicated in Scream 2. The shock ending
is pretty good, but it also kinda pissed me off.
HIGHLIGHT:
Best friend, Nancy (Elizabeth Kemp) is lying on the floor with the headphones
on, so she’s totally unaware of the killer, butcher knife in hand, creeping
up on her. It’s like my grandma always said: That rock ‘n’
roll music is bad for your health.
-Hell
High (1989) - Douglas Grossman *
The
Blockbuster Video Guide gave this movie three stars -- I’m thinking everyone
involved in the Blockbuster franchise must have undergone mentally-corruptive
radiation treatments in the ‘70s. Boy, is this movie stupid!
It’s your typical cruel prank/revenge/slasher plot, except it looks even
cheaper and bored me even more than usual. Some mean (and over-aged)
high school kids throw rocks at their mean teacher’s house and then sexually
molest her, so she jumps out the window. Well, of course she’s not
dead, and of course there’s a traumatic incident from her childhood (she
“accidentally” threw a bucketful of mud onto two libidinous motorists,
causing them to fly off the bike and impale themselves on wooden stakes
in a scene that I assume was supposed to be shocking, but, instead, had
me laughing for a good five minutes), and, next thing you know, she’s hopping
mad and homicidal. Character motivations are weak and absurd, at
best, and the plotting is almost transparent in this sick turkey.
I loved the scene where the former football star and his friends drive
a car onto the field in the middle of a game and intercept a pass while
cheesy, triumphant music swells -- were we supposed to feel uplifted here
and like this guy or something because he’s not quite as cruel and sadistic
as the other guy, he’s just too much of a coward and a doofus to not go
along with him? It stars -- well, really, who cares?
Lowlight:
Oh dear, so much to choose from.... There’s the tacky scene where
the teacher’s out cold and undressed on her bed and the slutty girl’s showing
her dopey ex-boyfriend how to properly touch a woman. But, no, let’s
just stick with the opening scene where the kid throws the mud at the bikers
and they lose control and somehow land on those sharp wooden stakes.
I’m sure there are even “better” scenes, but I’d have to rent the movie
and watch it again to refresh my memory, and I’m just not ready to do that.
-Hell
Night (1982) - Tom De Simone ***1/2
This
scary, fun slasher stars Linda Blair as a wet-blanket sorority pledge who
must spend a night with three other pledges in the deserted Garth Mansion,
the site of a long-ago brutal family slaying at the hands of the psychopathic
father. The deformed, idiot son of the family was never found, until
Blair and friends crash the place, cranking the radio and making the rusty
bed springs squeak. In spite of brief shots of a decapitation, a
neck being twisted and broken, and a scythe going through a stomach, this
movie isn’t quite as violent as others of its sort. But there are
a number of suspenseful sequences involving hidden trap doors and secret
underground tunnels, and most of the characters (including Vincent Van
Patten, Peter Barton, Jenny Neumann and Kevin Brophy) are fairly likable.
There’s also a twist toward the end that’s reminiscent of other past slasher
movies, such as Tower of Evil and Just Before Dawn. Leonard Maltin
called this one “extremely dull.” My advice to Leonard: Lighten
up, you bastard! Kick back a few and have some fun!
HIGHLIGHT:
Blair and boyfriend Barton think they’ve safely barricaded themselves in
one of the large bedrooms of the mansion until the rug behind them starts
to rise. ...
-Hide
and Go Shriek (1987) - Skip Schoolnik **1/2
A
group of horny young teenagers (aren’t they all?) break into a furniture
warehouse for a night of frivolous games 
and
serious sex (or is it serious games and frivolous sex?) But, wouldn’t
you know it, a wet-blanket serial killer/madman has to start butchering
everyone and spoiling all the fun. This looks even more low-budget
than most ‘80s slashers, but I actually enjoyed it, once things got going.
For one thing, the setting is great -- with an old, open elevator and multiple,
dark floors full of mannequins and beds, so that the characters never know
where the killer is, not to mention each other -- and the survivors are
not necessarily the ones you’d expect (in other words, you never know who’s
gonna get it next.) There’s the expected nudity and violence, but
the mood and suspense place this one slightly above other teens-locked-in-a-building-with-a-psychopath
slashers of its kind.
HIGHLIGHT:
One girl waits for her boyfriend to come back to bed, unaware that the
killer has messily disposed of him and put on his clothes, setting up a
very scary scene of mistaken identity.
-The
Hills Have Eyes (1977) - Wes Craven ***1/2
A
family (including John Steadman, Martin Speer and horror movie vet Dee
Wallace) stranded in the middle of the desert gets attacked by a bloodthirsty
group of inbred cannibals (including James Whitworth and the interminably
typecast Michael Berryman). The survivors have to resort to equally
barbaric tactics to defend themselves. One of Craven’s better horror
features, this cross between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Deliverance
is also similar to the director’s earlier 1972 revenge thriller Last House
on the Left. But, whereas that one was highly exploitative and generally
distasteful, with this movie, though quite violent and disturbing, itself,
Craven steers clear from pure exploitation by making the bad guys so cartoonishly
depraved and menacingly unrealistic that they could only exist in a ‘70s
horror movie (although, the desert-dwelling cannibal family depicted in
this film is based on an actual clan of similar savages that preyed on
people in the post-Civil War Southwest.) Craven’s plot builds to
some very intense and effectively gruesome scenes, and I like how the members
of the desert family all have planet names (Jupiter, Mars, Pluto, Mercury).
A word to the wise: Avoid the sequel.
HIGHLIGHT:
Desperate brother and sister Bobby and Linda (Robert Houston and Susan
Lanier) are forced to use their own dead mother as bait to lure raving
mad, patriarchal anthropophagus Jupiter (Whitworth) into their trap.
-The
Hills Have Eyes II (1984) - Wes Craven *
I
think Craven must have put all of his energy and creativity into A Nightmare
on Elm Street (released the same year), because this sequel to his own
‘77 classic is horrible. In fact, I would rate this one even below
the director’s other ‘80s stinkers Deadly Friend, Shocker and The People
Under the Stairs. The best scenes in this are the long flashbacks
from the first movie (and there are several of them -- the damn dog even
has one!) Unfortunately, in between the flashbacks, we also get the
“new” story about a bunch of dirt bikers stranded in the desert when their
bus runs out of gas. Once again, they are attacked and killed off
by the two remaining members of the savage, cannibalistic clan from the
first film (John Bloom as Reaper and Michael Berryman returning as the
scary-looking but wimpy Pluto, who gets his ass kicked by dogs and chics
throughout the movie). Robert Houston also returns as Bobby in a
brief, opening cameo, and Janus Blythe returns as the newly reformed and
now civilized Ruby (when she reveals to everyone that she was raised by
a desert-dwelling family of killer cannibals, no one seems to care!)
Absolutely nothing works this time around. The characterizations
and motivations are dumb, there are gaping plot holes, there is no suspense,
no blood, no guts -- in short, none of the hyper-realistic savagery, fear,
and helplessness that made the first one so good. The blind heroine
of this movie (Tamara Stafford) is so perceptive that she can hear things
when no one else can and can sense when a person is afraid, but she doesn’t
even know when someone’s smoking a cigarette right next to her! I
heard that this movie underwent a lot of pre-release cutting before it
came out, and that’s why it turned out so badly -- personally, I think
this is a load of bunk. Even movies that are cut up left and right
before release should give some indication of whether they could be potentially
good or not, and this one gives no such signs of any potential whatsoever.
Lowlight:
The fiery demise of Reaper -- the hero concocts a ridiculous trap for him
involving a gasoline tank, the school bus, a ring of fire, and a cable
connected to a motor that will pull him between Reaper’s legs and through
the flames to safety. It’s useless to try explaining it -- you have
to see it to believe it (but I wouldn’t advise it.)
-House
of Death (Night Screams) (1981) - David Nelson **
The
titular “house” only appears in the last ten minutes or so of this overly
familiar, early-’80s horror flick. That detail aside, this movie
isn’t the worst of its kind (that would be Hell High), but it’s also far
from the best. If you can make it past the interminably long carnival
scene -- with a group of young, vacuous girls and hunky, meat-head guys
walking around making jokes and playing games -- you’ll get a few so-so
chills and thrills (and mostly off-screen machete murders) once the gang
winds up in the cemetery to tell ghost stories (the lead heroine tells
a lousy version of the classic urban legend about the girl who’s home alone
and thinks that’s her dog under the bed licking her hand.) Other
than a decapitated head or two, there’s more nudity than gore, including
an interesting, role- reversal shower scene in which a man is stalked in
his apartment while taking a shower. There’s some minor back plot
and attempts at character development, but there are also gaping plot holes
and a weak attempt to make the killer’s identity a mystery (you should
have no trouble figuring it out.) The film quality’s pretty crummy,
and the out-of-place, Sesame Street-sounding soundtrack is one of the worst
I’ve ever heard.
HIGHLIGHT:
Speaking of the soundtrack, if you do happen to run across this movie at
the video store, go ahead and rent it solely for the opening credits sequence
-- the music that plays over this sequence is so hysterically over the
top that you will not believe it. Listening to this ludicrously epic
music play over slow-motion scenes of dead bodies floating underwater was
a surreal experience. I had to rewind it and watch it over three
or four times. Seriously, some underground techno or indie-rock band
needs to find this movie and sample the soundtrack (Jetenderpaul, are you
listening?) It blew me away. Of course, drinking helps.
-House
of 1,000 Corpses (2003) - Rob Zombie **1/2
Well,
I can't say this wasn't entertaining, and I can’t say that Rob Zombie does
not get his inspiration from the right places. For his directorial
debut (actually filmed three years earlier and finally released by a willing
studio in ‘03), Zombie has made a loving homage to the demented, back-woods,
family-psycho, slasher/horror films of the '70s and, to a lesser extent,
'80s (particularly the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" series, "The Hills Have
Eyes," the lesser-known '79 gem "Tourist Trap," and other similar killer-in-the-woods/
desert/mountains flicks. I respect Zombie for attempting to bring
back the immoral depravity and grisly, exploitative elements of these low-budget
'70s/'80s 
thrillers
that are so lacking in most of the teeny-bopper "horror" films that get
made these days. And I also enjoyed the collection of B-movie/exploitation
film veterans Zombie managed to pull together (including screen-great Karen
Black, Sid Haig, Bill Moseley from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2,” and one
of my favorite character actors, Michael J. Pollard). But, I did
have some problems with this movie, and they are problems that other people
seem to go for these days, and, sadly, there's no sign of change in the
future. Here it is: I enjoyed the movie -- the first half,
in particular, was creepy and entertaining and set up the suspense well
-- but, I couldn't help but feel like I was watching a 90-minute White
Zombie video. All the fast cuts and edits and grainy B&W footage
scattered throughout the film were too distracting and they really distanced
me from the story. And then, in the last half hour, the story took
a back seat to an over-the-top, "anything-goes" climax, in which zombies
were popping up out of underground pools, cyborg killers with "Terminator"-like
vision were breaking through walls, and -- well, I wouldn't have been surprised
at that point if King Kong and Godzilla had come up out of the ground and
chased the remaining heroine around for a while! I understand the
surreal, hellish-nightmarish atmosphere Zombie was going for, but I think
this can be conveyed in a horror movie without falling back on this "everything-AND-the-kitchen-sink"
mentality. For instance, look at "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre," the
film to which Zombie's movie mostly appears to be patterned after.
The last half hour of that classic is like a feverish, demented trip through
a mental patient's nightmares -- it is truly a mind-fuck. But, Tobe
Hooper never had to stray so far outside of the plausible to achieve this
impression. In spite of all the frantic editing and jarring sound
effects, the story was always grounded in the reality of a group of kids
being attacked by three human (albeit barely) psychos. When the heroine,
Sally, was being chased through the woods by Leatherface, there weren't
ghouls and zombies jumping out from behind trees. The horror was
effectively frightening because it looked like it could really happen.
I think Zombie might be a talented director, and I hope he makes more horror
movies, but I also hope he tones the next one down a bit. Leave the
ultra-surreal, hyper-stylish stuff to the Italians. I prefer horror
movies that don't hit you over the head in the opening scene, but rather
creep up on you for a while, and make you more and more nervous and agitated,
and, just when you think you can't take it anymore, that's when they hit
you over the head. The best scenes in Zombie's film were the ones
in which he kept the camera still for a minute or so and tried to creep
us out with one, continuous scene (with no annoying jumps and graphic flashes
of bloody bodies and stuff), like the scene where that tall, freaky dude
unties the girl from the bed and just watches her slowly walk away while
eating a bowl of Agatha Crispies (cute). That was a great scene with
no self-indulgent director gimmicks. A lotta people (mostly Goths--God
love 'em--who worship Zombie like a Messiah and would have even praised
the film if it has just been shots of him urinating in public restrooms)
won't agree with this assessment, but these are my views and I'm sticking
to 'em. I didn’t get this far by bending over backwards to appease
the Goth crowd.
HIGHLIGHT:
As the clown-faced Captain Spaulding, Sid Haig pretty much chews up every
scene he’s in.
-The
House on Sorority Row (1983) - Mark Rosman ***
A
group of sorority babes pull a prank on their mean (and slightly unhinged)
house mother, Mrs. Slater, and, wouldn’t you know it, it backfires and
Slater winds up bound in blankets at the bottom of the dirty swimming pool
out back, dead. Or is she? Desperately trying to cover up the
accidental murder and host an end-of-semester graduation party at the same
time, this becomes the question of the night, especially when Slater’s
body disappears from the pool and, one by one, the girls start disappearing
as well. The first half of this college co-ed slasher covers pretty
familiar ground (bodies floating in a pool, a head stuffed in a toilet),
but it really kicks into high gear in the last twenty-five minutes or so,
when the story takes a rather-unexpected turn and the suspense is cranked
up five or six notches. Most of the acting is okay, but, unfortunately,
some of it is absolutely God-awful (especially Lois Kelso Hunt as Mrs.
Slater -- for one thing, her voice sounds more badly dubbed than an extra
from Godzilla vs. Monster Zero, and talk about stiff acting! An upright
piece of wood could have delivered a more emotional performance!
Granted, Rosman should take some of the blame for less-than-stellar dialogue.)
Kate McNeil does better as the goody-two-shoes heroine Katherine Rose,
but soap opera star Eileen Davidson is the most fun to watch as Vicki,
the most ruthless and immoral of the sorority sisters. Christopher
Lawrence also stars as the shady Dr. Nelson Beck, who acts no better than
the conspiring, self-serving sorority girls. Rosman worked with Brian
De Palma before writing and directing this film, so he has some experience
creating suspense.
HIGHLIGHT:
Heroine McNeil is drugged by the unorthodox doc and used as bait to lure
the killer into his trap. Between Kate’s bizarre hallucinations and
the fear of what’s to come, this is a very tense and creepy scene and shows
the closest resemblance to a De Palma-crafted atmosphere of dread.
Also -- beware of clowns!
-The
House on the Edge of the Park (La Casa Sperduta nel Parco) (1980) - Ruggero
Deodato **
This
is just plain sick and awful. David Hess (from Last House on the
Left) and his dim-witted buddy crash a yuppie party and proceed to terrorize,
rape, and torture everyone in sight. They eventually get their come-uppance,
but by then, who cares? Have fun.
Lowlight:
Hell, take your pick.
-Humongous
(1982) - Paul Lynch **
For
some reason, I was really hoping this one would be better. I liked
the ambiguous title, and it has a great premise (a group of teens get stranded
on a foggy island with a giant, retarded killer -- well, it’s a great premise
if you’re someone like me), but the movie, itself, is kind of dull, and
parts of it are so damn dark you can barely tell what’s going on.
Honestly, I’d say about 65% of this looks like it was filmed inside of
a closet. Also, the characters are listless and mostly unappealing,
and even the murders are unremarkable. Overall, this disappointing
mess fails to achieve any real suspense. The best part is before
the group even reaches Dog Island (so named for the roving hounds that
bark and howl all over the shores and provide occasional food for the giant),
when they’re all just sitting in the boat a few yards from the shore, listening
to the yips and howls of unseen dogs out in the foggy darkness.
Lowlight:
The most likable character (and the best actor) of the bunch -- the cute,
plucky smart-aleck kid sister with glasses played by Janit Baldwin -- is
picked up by her face (I think) and mangled beyond recognition (possibly)
and cruelly thrown aside so that the pretty, but poor-acting and unexciting,
main heroine-girlfriend-model can save the day.
-The
Initiation (1982) - Larry Stewart ***
This
okay slasher thriller tries to offer more than the standard slice-and-dice
affair by having as its main character a 
young
college student (Daphne Zuniga, a year after her cameo in the wretched
The Dorm That Dripped Blood) who is traumatized by an event in her past
that caused her to forget everything up through age ten. From the
opening scene, we already have a pretty good idea of the surprise involving
the girl’s secretive parents (played by Clu Gulager -- excellent in Return
of the Living Dead, but just mediocre here -- and Vera Miles from Psycho),
but there’s another twist at the very end that, in spite of some clunky
hints here and there, is impossible to see coming (it’s hardly fair, but
it still provides a bit of a jolt.) With all the background and character
development out of the way in the first half hour or so, we finally get
to the more-familiar second half, where a group of sorority babes (including
Zuniga) and frat boys break into a department building at night as part
of an initiation stunt and are subsequently killed off by a maniac who
uses a variety of gardening tools and other sharp objects. People
are shot with arrows, shot with guns, shot with spears, stabbed, axed,
and decapitated until the surprise killer is finally revealed (and it’s
probably not who you think.) Gaping plot holes abound, but, all in
all, this one isn’t too bad (and, besides, you’re not supposed to pay attention
to that kinda stuff in these kindsa movies anyway.)
HIGHLIGHT:
The pretty, blonde sorority girl happens to be holding the public address
intercom microphone when she is attacked at the security guard’s booth,
and her shrieks echo throughout the entire building.
-Intruder
(1989) - Scott Spiegel **1/2
I
was eager to see this movie about people trapped in a supermarket with
a homicidal maniac because of: 1.) some of the favorable reviews
I’d read for it; 2.) the director (Spiegel co-wrote Evil Dead 2); and 3.)
the interesting cast (Sam and Ted Raimi, Renee Estevez, Bruce Campbell
-- only a cameo). Well, for one thing, it’s about as low budget as
you can possibly get (what is the deal with late ‘80s-to-present low budget
horror films? Most low budget slasher movies made in the early ‘80s
look so much better than this grainy, seemingly shot-on-video crud.
Has financing and video distribution for these independent studios deteriorated
that much over the years?) -- in fact, it looks like it might have even
been shot with a supermarket surveillance camera. Anyway, I was a
bit disappointed overall. The story’s not that good, the acting’s
mostly mediocre, the writing is often just bad, and even the gore -- as
gratuitous and unrelenting as it is -- is kinda dull (one victim is hung
by his face on a meat hook and another has his head sliced in half with
a large meat cutter.) One disclaimer: I was plastered when
I watched this, so a lot of it is jumbled together, but my general philosophy
is that if I don’t care that much for a movie even when I’ve tied one on,
then it really can’t be that good. The direction shows some flair,
but all of those stylish camera angles draw too much attention to themselves
and get kind of annoying after a while. The minor twist ending is
similar to the ending of the even worse flick The Dorm That Dripped Blood.
HIGHLIGHT:
One character is beaten senseless with a human head (on second thought,
maybe that’s a lowlight -- ?)
See
Part I of Ehrhorn's Screaming Coeds & Psycho Slashers
Part
II
Part
III
Part
IV
Screaming
Coeds & Psycho Slashers